Single in a big city

Well hey there strangers! I know it’s been a hot minute (and by that I mean probably about a year) SORRY!! The good news is that I have stories for you! I’m sure the bad news could be interpreted as I am still single, but I really count that as a plus.

So, as the title indicates, I found romance in not a college town…well, not only a college town. I temporarily relocated to a big city! It was very exciting, but I’m desperately looking forward to being back home in my little college town. Mostly I miss my dog, my bed, and Red. I digress. My big city romance, yes. Well, not being one to waste time, once I accepted this job opportunity I immediately updated my dating profile, as one is wont to do. I had several hits and the day after I flew in, I went on a date. That guy, Merle, let’s say, and I continued to see each other for several months.

Well, as jobs do, mine started absorbing more and more of my time (I’m not kidding, there were several 90 hour weeks and it was a relief to work 75), which really put a strain on my relationship with Merle. Now, I’d like to think that I’m always rational in relationships and in general, I’m not prone to overreactions, which I don’t believe happened in this case, but I will own up to the fact that I was holding on to my sanity by a cobweb. So, once the relationship became more stress instead of a release, I ended it. There wasn’t time to work on it, plus for me it was temporary. While I toyed with the possibility of staying on in the temporary location, that was never the final plan if I’m honest, at least not at this juncture.

So I ended it with Merle Probably not as gracefully as I could, but there was no ghosting, in fact, I realized my inability to be available, so he was encouraged to date other people.

Once I ended it however, things got a little weird. I have screenshots of conversations, but as my Step Mom pointed out, RUDE. So instead, we’re going to discuss what happened in a more general manner.

After the break up we met for dinner so I could get some stuff that had been left as his house. About halfway through dinner, he felt the urge to express his anger at the break-up – that’s fine, your feelings are valid, but some things were said that can’t be unsaid. What was weird was when I got home that night there was a message stating that dinner was fun and we should go out the following week. That was not on my list of things to do, for a variety of reasons, but first of which, some hurtful things were said. I declined. Vehemently.

Then on my birthday, I get a message wishing me not only a happy birthday, but a sentiment that he was glad we could move past our issues. *Cue surprised/confused face* Oh? I was not aware that we had moved past them, as I had broken off all contact. My mistake was also replying to that statement, then blocking him.

Well, a few nights a go I get a text- it’s Merle. It was rather lengthy and discussed how my petty arguments hurt him and that I was no longer a part of his life and we couldn’t be friends. Ooookay. Those could all be valid arguments had any of them been true, but when you don’t have contact with an individual it’s hard to argue. I was also instructed that he would be blocking my number and I’m not to contact him. That’s fine, I haven’t and wasn’t going to.

So, while I’m a bit salty about the attempt to turn everything that happened around so that he can be the victim, it really highlights some additional standards I will have when dating.

  1. My feelings are always valid and any attempt to tell me otherwise will not be tolerated.
  2.  Trying to rewrite history and gaslight are unacceptable and terms for immediate termination of the relationship.

And reminders for myself:

  1. Even if I get lonely, that’s no reason to stay with someone. (Rude, I know, that was lame on my part).
  2. DO NOT engage in arguments with those that gaslight.
  3. Don’t be afraid to say “No” and know the value of your time.

So my loves, if nothing else, I gained some self-awareness, actually quite a bit of it, but not all of it is stuff I’m willing to share with internet, because it involves feelings and those still make me vaguely uncomfortable. But, never fear, my therapist will hear all about it 🙂

Now, go get off the internet and enjoy your Sunday!

 

Advertisements
Posted in it's good stuff | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Wait, what?

screenshot_20161012-112529

Wha….? Is this a weird, passive aggressive “You’ve missed out” email? WHY ARE YOU ON A DATING SITE if you’re “less single” than I need you to be (which, is very single,  not ‘kinda single’ what is that even?) Oh and my age range goes til about 40, so odds are you’re at least a decade older than I am. No thanks (unless Nathan Fillion is reading this! In that case MARRY ME, we will have tiny nerdy dogs forever, they can dress up as Jayne, it’ll be adorable).

Pretty sure I wouldn’t date this guy anyway.

Posted in Covered in Lamesauce | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Does the type of melon matter?

screenshot_20161012-111601

Obviously they are more like pomegranates. But good to know that in OKC tit to fruit comparison is still a thing.

Posted in Covered in Lamesauce | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Oh Good, We’re Not Even Waiting for Dates Anymore

HI FRIENDS! I’m back! Two interesting things happened this weekend.

  1. I had a date, it was fine. He was shorter than I expected, but that’s not a big deal (for reals, it’s kinda nice snuggling with someone close to my height, and super nice for kissing- I’m not talking about this guy, I had a ex who was about my height, it was lovely). I thought we had a good time, but then he ghosted me. Oh well, shit happens.
  2. Someone dropped their crazy on me via text. *SIGH* Look, I would like to point out I’m speaking colloquially- I understand that mental health is nothing to scoff at, but if I’m talking about a mental illness, I will refer to it by it’s name, as opposed to the general term “crazy” which is offensive. “Crazy” is reserved for the weirdos on the internet who throw up red flags ALL THE TIME. #endrant Anyhoo, this dude and I had been texting for…4 days. 4 FUCKING DAYS (this is a very important point) when he tells me yesterday that he’s had an awful day and needs to go home. I attempted to be sympathetic (I know, it’s not my strong point) and told him that I could lend an ear. I mean, I thought maybe he was ill or struggling with a family member’s illness (I’m pretty sure I’ve got a handle on that last situation), but no. He’s “lonely” and “tired of being vulnerable” and other such bullshit. WHICH those are totally legit complaints, I’m sure we’ve all felt them, or something similar. I know I get real low every once in awhile, depression isn’t easy. BUT dude, I’m not going to fix you. Here’s what I’m going to do:

20161010_094830

I’m going to tell you to get help. But let’s be honest, (especially after 4 days of texting) I don’t want to have to deal with your issues. I have my own, and in a relationship, SURE, I will be there to help (I think, probably, I am for my friends, so yeah) but right off the bat? NOPE.

Posted in Covered in Lamesauce | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

They say breaking up is hard to do. They’re wrong

Oh man kids. It’s Friday night! After the longest short week in the history of short weeks (until the next one happens anyway) and I’ve got a date tonight. Unfortunately (for him, fortunately for me), I’m breaking up with him tonight. He’s not weird (I mean he likes D&D, but so do I, so he’s not weird like a lot of dates I’ve been on), he’s politically savvy, he reads, but I’m feeling very “meh” over the whole situation. I liked seeing him once a week and then he wanted to go and “define the relationship” and loves, you know I have two hard stops: fisting and relationship labels. *shrug* And there was the factor that I knew this wasn’t going anywhere.

But let’s talk a little about breakups- you all know I was super serious about a dude for a hot minute there, right? I tried to get him back? This was after I broke up with him. And I’d do it again. He very well may have been my penguin, and breaking up with him was one of the harder things I’ve done, BUT friends, if you’re not getting what you need or you’re not happy, END IT. I’m talking long term, after much discussion and all the other stupid adult shit your therapist tells you to do (that for real, you should do), but after THAT, if it’s not better, fly free. Sweet baby space octopus, I love being single and I think you will too (it’s like a bad infomercial up in here). You can do whatever you want, when you want, and not shave your legs. Not that I shaved my legs anyway, but if I’m dating someone the thought crosses my mind.

Dog Face

She’s judging me so hard right now. Belly also hates when I date, because it’s less time for her to ignore me.

Anyhoo, off track, I’m breaking up with this dude tonight and I have to drive an hour to do it (and that’s halfway, also part of the reason for the break up WHY AM I JUSTIFYING MYSELF TO THE INTERWEBS?!?) And I’m trying to figure out if I should do this before dinner or after dinner. Now for those of you thinking “Jebus, she’s a heartless bitch, considering waiting until after he pays for dinner to break it off” let me clear up a few things:

  1. I am not actually a heartless bitch, it just so happens that my heart is cold and dead (unless you’re a puppy). But I am a bitch.
  2. Please, I’m not going to let him pay for dinner. How rude! (Git it Stephanie Tanner).
  3. I like lists, do you like lists? We should be friends. Also you can’t have a good list with only two items, so I was obligated to add a third.

I’m pretty sure that this hosting site offers a quiz feature right? Let’s see if I can figure that out! No, no luck, something about a plug-in and I’m really not that invested.

So anyway friends, let’s go celebrate Friday by breaking up with people! Who is with me!?

Posted in Brain Vomit | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Goddammit OKC

Seriously, what the fuck? The first message was, fine? I guess. It wasn’t as weird, but when you sign your messages “Tall hot *insert name*” that’s telling me your trying too hard.

BUT THEN, you make it weird. Super weird. “Hey baby, lets go to a nude beach together” weird. Which is a first (and hopefully a last) for me.

Also, I cleverly disguised his identity, pretty sweet, huh?

 

Screenshot_20160708-113453

Posted in Covered in Lamesauce | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Seriously Jenny, your number didn’t work

Please, just read the following exchange and note that it all happened with in an hour or so.

While you’re reading, may give this a listen.

 

 

Posted in Covered in Lamesauce | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment