Wait, what?


Wha….? Is this a weird, passive aggressive “You’ve missed out” email? WHY ARE YOU ON A DATING SITE if you’re “less single” than I need you to be (which, is very single,  not ‘kinda single’ what is that even?) Oh and my age range goes til about 40, so odds are you’re at least a decade older than I am. No thanks (unless Nathan Fillion is reading this! In that case MARRY ME, we will have tiny nerdy dogs forever, they can dress up as Jayne, it’ll be adorable).

Pretty sure I wouldn’t date this guy anyway.

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Does the type of melon matter?


Obviously they are more like pomegranates. But good to know that in OKC tit to fruit comparison is still a thing.

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Oh Good, We’re Not Even Waiting for Dates Anymore

HI FRIENDS! I’m back! Two interesting things happened this weekend.

  1. I had a date, it was fine. He was shorter than I expected, but that’s not a big deal (for reals, it’s kinda nice snuggling with someone close to my height, and super nice for kissing- I’m not talking about this guy, I had a ex who was about my height, it was lovely). I thought we had a good time, but then he ghosted me. Oh well, shit happens.
  2. Someone dropped their crazy on me via text. *SIGH* Look, I would like to point out I’m speaking colloquially- I understand that mental health is nothing to scoff at, but if I’m talking about a mental illness, I will refer to it by it’s name, as opposed to the general term “crazy” which is offensive. “Crazy” is reserved for the weirdos on the internet who throw up red flags ALL THE TIME. #endrant Anyhoo, this dude and I had been texting for…4 days. 4 FUCKING DAYS (this is a very important point) when he tells me yesterday that he’s had an awful day and needs to go home. I attempted to be sympathetic (I know, it’s not my strong point) and told him that I could lend an ear. I mean, I thought maybe he was ill or struggling with a family member’s illness (I’m pretty sure I’ve got a handle on that last situation), but no. He’s “lonely” and “tired of being vulnerable” and other such bullshit. WHICH those are totally legit complaints, I’m sure we’ve all felt them, or something similar. I know I get real low every once in awhile, depression isn’t easy. BUT dude, I’m not going to fix you. Here’s what I’m going to do:


I’m going to tell you to get help. But let’s be honest, (especially after 4 days of texting) I don’t want to have to deal with your issues. I have my own, and in a relationship, SURE, I will be there to help (I think, probably, I am for my friends, so yeah) but right off the bat? NOPE.

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They say breaking up is hard to do. They’re wrong

Oh man kids. It’s Friday night! After the longest short week in the history of short weeks (until the next one happens anyway) and I’ve got a date tonight. Unfortunately (for him, fortunately for me), I’m breaking up with him tonight. He’s not weird (I mean he likes D&D, but so do I, so he’s not weird like a lot of dates I’ve been on), he’s politically savvy, he reads, but I’m feeling very “meh” over the whole situation. I liked seeing him once a week and then he wanted to go and “define the relationship” and loves, you know I have two hard stops: fisting and relationship labels. *shrug* And there was the factor that I knew this wasn’t going anywhere.

But let’s talk a little about breakups- you all know I was super serious about a dude for a hot minute there, right? I tried to get him back? This was after I broke up with him. And I’d do it again. He very well may have been my penguin, and breaking up with him was one of the harder things I’ve done, BUT friends, if you’re not getting what you need or you’re not happy, END IT. I’m talking long term, after much discussion and all the other stupid adult shit your therapist tells you to do (that for real, you should do), but after THAT, if it’s not better, fly free. Sweet baby space octopus, I love being single and I think you will too (it’s like a bad infomercial up in here). You can do whatever you want, when you want, and not shave your legs. Not that I shaved my legs anyway, but if I’m dating someone the thought crosses my mind.

Dog Face

She’s judging me so hard right now. Belly also hates when I date, because it’s less time for her to ignore me.

Anyhoo, off track, I’m breaking up with this dude tonight and I have to drive an hour to do it (and that’s halfway, also part of the reason for the break up WHY AM I JUSTIFYING MYSELF TO THE INTERWEBS?!?) And I’m trying to figure out if I should do this before dinner or after dinner. Now for those of you thinking “Jebus, she’s a heartless bitch, considering waiting until after he pays for dinner to break it off” let me clear up a few things:

  1. I am not actually a heartless bitch, it just so happens that my heart is cold and dead (unless you’re a puppy). But I am a bitch.
  2. Please, I’m not going to let him pay for dinner. How rude! (Git it Stephanie Tanner).
  3. I like lists, do you like lists? We should be friends. Also you can’t have a good list with only two items, so I was obligated to add a third.

I’m pretty sure that this hosting site offers a quiz feature right? Let’s see if I can figure that out! No, no luck, something about a plug-in and I’m really not that invested.

So anyway friends, let’s go celebrate Friday by breaking up with people! Who is with me!?

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Goddammit OKC

Seriously, what the fuck? The first message was, fine? I guess. It wasn’t as weird, but when you sign your messages “Tall hot *insert name*” that’s telling me your trying too hard.

BUT THEN, you make it weird. Super weird. “Hey baby, lets go to a nude beach together” weird. Which is a first (and hopefully a last) for me.

Also, I cleverly disguised his identity, pretty sweet, huh?



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Seriously Jenny, your number didn’t work

Please, just read the following exchange and note that it all happened with in an hour or so.

While you’re reading, may give this a listen.



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Oh hey, look, a blog

Well, I forgot I had this. No, that’s a lie. I didn’t forget, I just had been dating someone that caused me not to need this blog. But then I broke up with him. Mostly for time issues, some boundary setting, nothing insurmountable, but I had caught feelings and was maybe a bit irrational. And let’s face it, when it comes to dating, I’m the equivalent of a drunk toddler.

So I broke up with him, 3 months ago? And while we’d only really been dating for 5 months, I fell so hard. And for my friends out there, you all know I hate emotions. Yeah, you blog readers read posts about my  mom and my musings over why I’m single, but for the most part, those are even very surface level emotions for me. I don’t like to cry, hell, I even avoid it when I’m with my therapist, you know THE PERSON I PAY TO DEAL WITH MY CRAZY. *shrug* It’s because I’m scared.

I’m so scared of being hurt, of letting anyone in and having to deal with the fact that they may not like the person I am. Why am I sharing this with you internet? Because last night, I sent the guy an email asking if he wanted to try again. Because I loved (love?) him, I ran. Now, I may still end up running, there’s no guarantee, but I think that we could talk through where the relationship had issues (no, I’m not going into them, and I do think that they could be worked through on both sides). This essentially means I’m writing this post in a euphorically vulnerable state and will most likely regret it. For now I’M RIDING THAT EMOTIONAL WAVE, BABY.

Oh man, rereading this makes me sound like such a pompous asshat. While all of the above is true, I feel like there should be some sort of general disclaimer stating that I’m a weenie and recognized that I need to get over my own shit. Also, I understand that my emotional issues are so very minor in light of what other people deal with (much better than I do) on a daily basis. That being said, emotions are still dumb and scary.

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