Hiya loves! I hope everyone is having a spectacular day! I mean its hump day and for some of us that will actually involve humping. Woo! Not me, obviously. Not that I’ve not had some good dates with some humpable gentlemen, but you know what happens? I get bro’ed. Like don’t make it past the first date bro’ed. Wait? What’s bro’ed you ask? Oh let me share.
Ok so many people may refer to this as being put in the friend zone, but that is soooo long and requires far too much time to say. I mean, for reals, these are first dates; they totally deserve an abbreviated word. Therefore, bro’ed. Plus it’s really fun to say, so like you to into work (ok, I go into work because this is what happens, my coworkers are totally up to date on my [lackluster] dating life) and someone asks about your date and you get to reply all smug like, “Dude, I totally got bro’ed.” See this confuses them for a while and you tell them that if they want to know what that means they have to read your blog *wink wink* (don’t judge I gotta drum up readers somehow!). Anyway this “friend zone”/bro’ed deal only gets used on those first dates that go swimmingly. You meet said dude (or dudette, whatevs) and he’s punctual, attractive, HI-larious, attractive, smells good, attentive, interesting, attractive, and you talk to him for 5 fucking hours and he wants to see more of you! Not skin more, though that can be ok too, but more face time more of you. Then you get the call. Or the email. Or the text. The text is totally the worst. I mean who can judge tone in a text?! I text all the time, and my friends know what I’m saying (kinda like this blog, my friends [ok one friend, but it totally counts] tell me that part of the fun is imagining me telling the story in person) and that I’m not really snarky, but random dude you know from a first date? No way to tell. Anyhoo, they contact you via some form of communication and let you know one of the following:
- “You’re a wonderful, attractive woman, but I’m just not ready to commit.” LAME
- “I had a great time and would love to hang out more, but I just don’t feel that spark.” THROAT PUNCH
- “I’m married/in a long-term relationship/my divorce isn’t finalized.” WHAT THE FUCK? *face palm*
4 is meant to represent nothingness. It happens, they don’t contact you at all, like they got sucked into a black hole or attacked by weeping angels and thrown back in time (Dr. Who much? PS. David Tennant in a kilt? *swoon*), which kinda doesn’t belong on the list, but it happens. So I just wanted to clear up any misconceptions on this hump day. I have had several lovely first dates (that I would like to make second dates) with some dishy gentlemen, but sadly, I get bro’ed. Better than getting ho’ed I guess.