Whoa loves, I mean whoa. Ok so remember how I told you I was going to find an alternate to the whole 50 Shades thing? Well….I found this book called The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty which is BDSM erotica. And whoa. Its got me all riled up and not in the good way. I’m not that far into it and I’m angry. OK so let me just say, I’ve got opinions. Lots of opinions, but any I’m saying are what I like for me, I don’t care if you’re a sub and like to be put on display in public (because it totally happens in this book and I’m having trouble handling it) or like to be dominated outside the bedroom, I’m just saying it doesn’t toot my horn. That’s all.
Anyway, so I’m reading this book (and PS can I say I was totally looking forward to it?) and at one point the main prince dude had Beauty strip down and stand naked in front of the town. WHAT THE FUCK? That got my dander up. I mean really. I like dominance in a man, in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom- stand up to me for jebus’ sake, hell, argue with me (we all know angry sex is aMAZing). But let me be clear; the minute, the second you treat me like my only goal should be to please you and that’s it? We’re fucking done. Like so done its not even funny, in fact, you won’t even be a memory because I will completely erase you. But as stated before, that’s me. I know I’m not ever going to be a sub and that’s cool. Just like I know some people totally dig that life style and that’s cool too. I guess I’m just irritated because having read like 63 pages of this story, I’m understanding why people like 50 Shades. At least the chick, as weenusy and annoying as she is, stands up to Grey. Like “Screw you, I’m out” stands up to him and I respect that.
Ok so 50 Shades, dude had issues. He likes to dominate women in AND out of the bedroom. Then he meets weenus chick who’s all sorts of “affected” by him and she’s all turned on. Oh, also, she’s a 22 year old virgin. This in and of itself is odd, but whatevs, it totally happens. But the fact that she’s NEVER masturbated? Really? I call bullshit. Even if was accidental and she didn’t reach down there to flip her bean, she, by now, has experienced something, even if it’s just with a shower head (not that I know from experience or anything…). But weenus chick is all, “Alright dude, you’re hot and I totally want to fuck, but we are not doing x, y, and/or z. Take it or leave it.” Sweet. Also, I would like to point out that this dom’s contract did not mention public humiliation, display, or third parties. It only tried to control diet, exercise, and sleep patterns. So totally different than what has happened so far in the erotica.
This book? Prince dude pops chick’s cherry while she’s still under the sleeping spell. Awkward. I mean I read some weird shit sometimes (you should totally check out some of the stories on Literotica) but that doesn’t do it for me. THEN dude makes her strip down and remain nekkid in front of her folks (who do nothing. Bull shit. My folks would cut a bitch for that.) THEN he strings her up for the townsfolk to “admire” her and lets a skeezy old dude feel her up. Well, it’s not over. Prince dude thinks that Beauty needs to be broken even more and makes her serve him dinner on her hands and knees. Oh no. Oh HELL no. I like to get spanked in the bedroom very once and awhile, even ordered about- in bed. Hell, I’ll make you dinner, but you’d better do the fucking dishes and IF I serve it to you, it’s on a damn plate, which I will be standing up and holding. AND THEN (because really, I’m only 63 pages in and I’ve ranted this long?) he makes her eat her dinner from a plate on the floor, on her hands and knees, using only her mouth (if you only read the last two clauses, this sounds kind of hot, but it’s so not)!!! Ok so I’m done.
This book bothered me a lot, as you can tell. I’m probably going to finish it so that I can have read some actual BDSM erotica, but I clearly realize (y’know, in case I had any doubt) it is not a lifestyle I would ever choose.
Also, let me reiterate, if you’re reading this and you’re into BDSM, I DON’T CARE. For reals, what you do in your bedroom doesn’t affect me, so my pocketful of fucks is totally empty. Also, because I don’t care, I’m not going to judge you. This is just me realizing that I couldn’t do it. Loves, thank you for letting me rant!