I know its going to be super hard (heh heh heh) to follow THE DESTROYER with another story, but I’m not going to let that stop me! Hells no, I got more stories, just not quite as epic. But still funny.
I don’t know if you kids have realized this, but I talk, a lot. I mean, if your doubting this fact, go back and read my previous blog posts. I can ramble on like a boss! (Side note, d’you think I could get a job as professional rambler? I’d kill at that job). But that is the part that makes this date so ridiculous.
This date is from last winter, not the one that just past, but the one before that. You know, the one that was actually balls cold. I met this dude on the free site that I like to use and I was going outside of my comfort zone and went with the quiet IT dude. Because you know that old adage, “Opposites attract”? Right, well I was thinking, “Oh maybe I’ll hit it off with some quiet dude who doesn’t mind me being all crazy in your face!” It kinda worked….
We agreed to meet at a local coffee shop, full of hipsters. Which I didn’t realize at the time, because the last time I was at said coffee shop it was tots full of hippies. That was a weird ass change, btw. But whatevs, it’s cool. So its balls cold and I haul my happy ass the couple of blocks from my parking spot to the shop. Thankfully it was nice and warm and there was coffee, which means my insides would be toasty. I claimed a spot on the squishy orange velvet chair and prepared to await my date. (Can I just say I adore 1970’s furniture?). About 5 minutes AFTER my date was supposed to be there, I got a text that he was just now leaving his apartment. Fuck that shit. I got up and bought my own coffee. Plus I had shit to do for work, so I took the opportunity to write up a basic outline of whatevs I was working on at that point. Well 20 minutes after our date was supposed to begin R2D-dude (like that play on R2D2? Yeah, I’m awesome like that…) shows up. When he finally recognized me and sat down, he seemed all offended that I got my own drink, and I was like, “Dude, you’re 20 minutes late, my nose hair froze on the way over, plus, I had shit to do.”
Well after much apologizing (which I appreciate) R2D-dude sat down next to me with his steamy beverage and stared straight ahead. Uhh…hm. Well, ok so I got the conversation started, by asking him about his job and if he liked it and how long he had been in town, etc. Y’know, those basic conversation starters? Know what I got? One word fucking answers. I kid you not babycakes, this dude was reticent to the extreme. He asked me a few questions, to which I responded with my usual loquaciousness. And then we sat there. For like 10 minutes (ok maybe it was 5, but it sooo felt like 10) in silence. Not kidding. Dead silence. That’s when I knew, about 20 minutes into the date, I was done with it. Now nothing against quiet dudes, it’s cool, but maybe learn how to carry on a convo? That’s pretty damn important. Just saying. After that excruciating silence (because I had covered jobs, hobbies, movies, books, and a whole host of other things already) R2D-dude looks at me and asks, “Hey, do you want to go walk around downtown?” Um no, thanks, but its fucking cold outside. So I politely declined (hey, I CAN be polite…sometimes) and let him know that I was going to head out.
And loves, this is where I feel kinda bad.
R2D-dude stands up with me and says, “I’ve had a really, really good time. Would you like to get together again soon?” Aww man. First, how can you have a good time when we spent about ¼ our time in awkward silence? Because it wasn’t even that comfortable silence, like you can have with your besties, where you’re just cool chilling without saying anything? No, it wasn’t like that at all. Second, he was nice. Like super nice and I didn’t want to be a super douche. But I’m also not going to lead a dude on. So I told him that I wouldn’t like to hang out again because I didn’t feel that spark. Poor guy, he kinda looked like I had just kicked his puppy. Man, even retelling this story makes me all sad panda, but I’m not going to pity date some dude. Sorry bout ya.