A new era of dating: THE BORING DATE

Oh babycakes, I went on a date last night. And do you know what?! I got screwed. Not literally. I had some expectations for this date. Either it was A. Going to be a good date and I’d want to see more of this dude, or B. It was going to suck horribly and I’d have another fun dating story for you, because I love you all that much. BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? Neither of those two options. Instead, it was boring.   Le sigh. But since I’ve started writing about the lameness of this date, I’ll tell you the rest of it anyway.

I met this dude (who was so uninspiring I didn’t even bother thinking up a nickname for him!) on my free dating site. We emailed for a couple of days and he said he’d like to meet up. I suggested a local bar with a sweet beer special (for reals, $3 pints? OMG, how amazeballs is that? Plus, I got to try the New Albanian Elector- delish!!!). Anyhoo, Dog-Face was having poop issues, as in she got the poop scared out of her by the roomies’ pizza delivery so I ended up running a bit late. Not actual late, but late for me, which means I only got to the bar 4 minutes early (gasp! I’m such an asshole!). Dude was already there, with his beer, no biggie. I wandered over to the booth, sat down, greeted him and then asked what kind of beer he was drinking. It was Guinness. Not too bad. And then there was this awkward silence…so I decided I was going to get a beer. I let my date know, and took my time getting my ID and money (see how Halfsies has ruined me? Now I expect that I’m going to have to pay my part of the date *sigh*) and he just sat there. I bought my own beer.

I get back to the booth with my Elector which was like an orgasm in my mouth…ok more of a party, it wasn’t O good, but it was good. So maybe foreplay in my mouth? I’ll have to think about this phrase some more. And I found out this guy is in a band and is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. Or so he says. I gathered that this whole band thing is supposed to be a panty dropper? I give no fucks. I would have been way more stoked if he had gone to this past Comic-Con (I’m such a nerd, but my nerdiness is clearly outlined in my dating profile, I got nothing to hide. Also, OMGOMGOMG! There was a Firefly panel *swoon*). So I was bored. And then, after the drum convo, dude looks at his empty pint and my empty pint and says, “Well I’m going to get another beer, I can’t close my tab with just one.” (there is a $5 minimum on cards at this bar, I don’t think he had a personal 2 drink minimum, but maybe) But does he ask me if I would like anything, like even a water?! NO. NO HE DOES NOT. *grumble grumble*

I mean is it unreasonable to think that the dude that invited me out would buy me a beer? My friends buy me beers more often than my dates do. Ugh. So this experience made me consider that perhaps I’m setting my standards too high, to which I then went, “Bah hahahha! Nope.” Expecting a dude to pick up my beer, ask me questions about myself, and maybe walk me to my car is not expecting too much. Because you know what happens otherwise? I get sucked into a lameass relationship with a user and a moocher and fuck that shit. So here’s my plan, I’m going back on the site, I’m going to find the profile of some crazy motherfucker and go on a date so I’ll at least have something non blah to write about!

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