AGH! Why? Why can’t they have jobs?!

Oh babycakes. So I’m sure you’re aware of the fact that I went on an awesome 13 hour date. Good news? I’ve been in contact with the dude since the date (woo!!!) and he wants to plan a second date (OMG I’M SO EXCITED). Here’s the bad news, or possible bad news. He doesn’t have a job. Right, was there an awkward pause? Because that’s how I feel. Now, here is the sitch, I had a long term boyfriend…I’m not going to name any names, who was also unemployed for a year or so in the course of our relationship. Well, it kind of fell to me to buy stuff if we ever wanted to go out, to replace his socks, etc. And you know what? I ended up hating him for it. And because I was young and stupid, I didn’t tell him outright. I hinted at it, when really I should have been all, “Look buddy, I love you, but I’m not about to be your sugar momma. If that’s the deal we’re looking at, I’m gonna need you to take out the trash, wash the dishes, have a hot dinner waiting for me when I get home, and rub my damn feet.” But like I said, I was an idiot and didn’t do this. Instead I let it fester and simmer and then it boiled over and was part of the reason for the break up many years later. So. Now I’m all concerned that

            A.) I’m all sorts of jaded and I’m not going to give this dude a fair shot,

            B.) I’m going to fall into the same trap, because sometimes I still act like a 15  year old girl with her first crush,

            C.) I’m not going to make myself clear about how against mooching I am and I will end up hating what appears to be a decent dude.

So once again, I’m just vomiting words onto paper to hopefully sort out what is going on in my brain.

Can you tell I like to make lists? Lists are a huge part of my life; to do lists, shopping lists, pros and cons lists, lists of lists *bliss*.

And I mean the biggest worry I have (look at me working like one date in, ugh biological clock, I HATE YOU!) is he doesn’t seem super motivated on that whole finding a job thing….

Also, there may be one other issue. Obviously I’m not just dating for the stories; that’s a happy side bene. I’m dating to find a partner, one that I can settle down, eventually have kids with, the whole shebang (babycakes, I know this is super heavy stuff for me to be talking about. What the fuck is going on? I have no idea. Maybe I’m going to start my period or something). And I don’t want to be the breadwinner!! Is that weird for me to say? But I’d really like, if I’m lucky enough to have kids, to stay home with them for a couple of years. For reals. Arg.

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6 Responses to AGH! Why? Why can’t they have jobs?!

  1. Older But Wiser says:

    Never date the unemployed. I tell men my three general rules for dating right up front.
    1. I don’t get married. (This one might be negotiable for you, but I’ve been there, done that.)
    2. I don’t let anyone move in. This weeds out the homeless looking for three hots and a cot. If things get serious later, you can always change your mind.
    3. I don’t give men money. Need I say more???

    • Babycakes, I think you’ve got it covered. I’m seriously thinking of having these etched into stone and then throwing them at dudes that try and date me. 🙂 (OK except for the marriage thing, but the rest, I’m behind you 124%)!!!

  2. tnick82 says:

    Okay, you know I’ve been there too. Like…exactly, nearly word for word. I loved they guy (hahahaha, THOUGHT I loved the guy, let’s be real here) and I wouldn’t say up front. So, I’ll offer MY advice. My honest advice…I don’t know the guy but yeah, it sounds like you like him. I think the thing that would be a huge deal breaker for me is why he doesn’t have a job.

    There is a difference between being unemployed because there are no decent jobs available and someone not working because they just don’t want to. (Like for example, my case was the guy didn’t want to give all his money and time “the man” *eyeroll*) If it is truly because there are no jobs he’s qulified for or able to make a living from, and really only time will be able to tell you this much, then maybe he’s worth a shot. If he takes a pretty big stance on being one of those hippies who don’t like *ahem* giving their money to the man *eyeroll* and/or just doesn’t like working period, I’ll be honest and somewhat aggressive when I say THAT WILL NOT CHANGE. Ever. And even if it did, who knows how long it would take? And you’d be doing all the work to get it that way, and honestly is ANYONE worth you doing that to yourself? If you said no, you’re correct. If you said yes, go back and re-read this entire comment 😉

  3. tnick82 says:

    By the by, it’s Tennille here…I have a blog too!

  4. Marci says:

    Since you mentioned the whole biological clock thing, I’ll say that there is no-thing wrong with laying the cards down in the early stages of a relationship. Uncomfortable, perhaps, but quite useful. For an obvious example: he says, “I think George Lucas could have found some actors that could actually act with the possible exception of Harrison Ford. Gene Roddenberry was the one who knew what the fuck he was doing.” She gasps, “Uh, George Lucas wasn’t exactly GEORGE LUCAS back then, pal! And are you going to sit there and tell me with a straight face that DeForest Kelley or Jonathan Frakes were more believable than Mark Hamill, who was twice honored with the Saturn Award for Best Actor?” (Just pulled that out, but a deal-breaker nonetheless.) In all seriousness, if the two of you aren’t in it for the same goals, it’s best to find it out early when its easier to make a clean break. And for the record, I love Star Trek and Star Wars, so that faux conversin’ took a bit ‘a doin.

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