Well babycakes, I have good news and I have bad news. Good news? I had a date and he didn’t stand me up!! Fuck yeah not being stood up!! Bad news? I’m pretty sure I’m an asshole. *shrug* oops. Ok so I’ll let you be the judge; here’s the situation.
I met this dude on my free website (you know I’m cheap, what!?) and I had talked to him like a year ago. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t remember that, thank the intergalactic space octopus. Anyway, last year I blew him off, not really intentionally, but I got strep throat and refused to let him come make me soup. Which was apparently a deal breaker for him- creepy. So I agree this time (and this is part of what makes me an asshole) because I was pretty sure he wouldn’t stand me up. I know, I know, I’m a horrible person, I’m already planning a tattoo that says “Heartless Bitch” so I got this. Anyway, he gets a little creepy, like wanting to pick me up and asks me to pick a place close to my house. Obvi, I told him I would meet him and I met him on the other side of town, because my momma didn’t raise no fool. Well actually, I kinda figured this shit out for myself, but I digress. So we meet at a coffee shop and during our emails he had mentioned taking me to his friend’s birthday party. I was not too keen on this idea because I’d never actually met this guy before and I get the heebie-jeebies at the idea of being surrounded by a bunch of strangers. But those heebie-jeebies are not very strong because I said I’d go to the party. I’m really glad I did! They were a super fun group of people, and I think I made some new friends!
So here’s the weird part, I spent most of the party not talking to my date. I figure that what happens when you are quiet to begin with and drag me to a party with a bunch of stranger; I will make friends. That’s just how I roll. Anyway, at one point, I was making the rounds of the groups at the party and all of a sudden I felt this wall of heat behind me. My date was following me around, not saying anything, not trying to touch me, just following me very closely. This made me super uncomfortable. I mean first, he brought me to this party full of peeps I didn’t know, then sat quietly and left me to engage random strangers in conversation, then followed me around. So I did the weird shuffle to make some room, and then he kept inching closer, without saying anything. Maybe he was trying to stake his claim? I was talking to some random dudes (who I had absolutely no interest in because they were about 12, but had excellent taste in beer, so obvi I’m going to talk beer with these kids). Then we end up playing this random card game, where the whole point is to be offensive as fuck. I’m pretty sure I scared the bejeezus outta this dude. Ooops again. Anyway, so here’s the real reason I’m an asshole. I’m going to go out with this guy again, just to make sure there is no spark, but despite the fact that he seems really nice and sweet and I’m pretty sure he was into me, I would not want to date this dude.
There are lots of ladies out there that would be lucky to snag this dude, he will treat you like a princess, I’m pretty sure. And, really, I want to be treated kinda like a princess…well no, no I don’t. But I have a chance with someone who is a good guy and I’m going to tell him to hit the road (in a much nicer way, because I’m an asshole, not a c-word).
Also, I think wanting the impossible makes me an asshat. But seriously, is it too much to ask that you can make me laugh, have a conversation with me, treat me with respect while not letting me walk all over you, not be intimidated by my somewhat over the top personality, AND still have that spark that makes me want to make out with you? And have all your teeth and not live in your mom’s basement? If that’s the impossible, I’m adopting 20 cats; I may as well just start early with the whole crazy cat lady thing.