Turkey-day! And dates! And Bond! And kale!

Hiiii!!!!!!!!!!! HIhihihihi my loves! OMG I’m so excited its almost Thanksgiving! I mean, it’s the most under-rated totally awesome holiday EVER. Amirite? So here’s the deal; yes I went kinda sappy on you, because I do have things for which I am super duper thankful, but I covered that. Don’t worry, I’m still thankful. But I also have a story!! Actually, since it’s the holiday and all, Imma going to treat you to 2 stories. Because I’m awesome like that. Shit, I actually have 3 stories, but I think one will have to wait until after Turkey day, when we are all in food comas and watching reruns of Swamp People. For serious, that’s how I spent last Thanksgiving. It was amazeballs.

I had two, count ‘em, TWO dates this weekend; I went balls to the wall! Ok, well not really, timing just happened to work out that way. So Saturday, this guy I’ve been texting for 3 months finally said he could come down for lunch (don’t worry loves, he was texting me back too. I’m not that pathetic, but I do have a pathetic story for you. Its totes going to have to wait for the food coma. I’ve thought this through, hear me out-  if I tell you the story of where I’m a sad sack, you’ll be less likely to go all sad panda on me because you’ll be all doped up on tryptophan and won’t give a fuck. See how nice I am?) Anyway, he finally was able to make it down for lunch. So we meet. That motherfucker lied on his profile. By at least 5 inches on his height. Like I’m not going to notice. So this is my huge superficial thing; I don’t date short guys. It’s nothing about them, it really is my own short comings. I like to feel feminine and petite. Well, its kinda hard to do that when the guy has to look up to you in flats. But BUT not only was he short, he was wee! Like an 11 year old boy wee. I mean scrawny and short. I kinda felt like a monster next to him and that is way not sexy. Sigh. Also we took a nap. After lunch, so that’s kind of reasonable, but, yeah, a nap. I don’t really know if I have words. So there was that. Which meant that Saturday was kind of a bust. He did, however, pay for my lunch, so that was nice!

Sunday, oh Sunday. I had finally made a second date with the awkward birthday party guy. Remember him? Super stoked on taking me to the bday party with a bunch of peeps I didn’t know? Yeah him. Well, we made plans to go see Skyfall. OMG Daniel Craig. I LOVE YOU and want to have your wicked-sexy British children. Ok, not really, but I do like looking at you shirtless. I’m not going to lie. Yum. Ok, back to awkward guy. Well, we’re in the theater (which I bought my own ticket, I really didn’t see this going anywhere, and didn’t want this dude out $10, because he is nice) and he’s doing that awkward arm on the arm rest, but palm up sort of thing? I hate that. I liked it when I was 17, but not when I’m almost 30. Anyway. So we’re sitting there, and I’m into the movie; I like a good action flick, and we’re getting to the overly emotional scene that is required, right after the epically ginormous explosion and then I feel it. The ol’ hand on the knee move. I’m not going to lie, it kinda took me by surprise since that required some balls to finally make a move and also I had been avoiding crossing my legs toward him/having my hands available all night. So points to him. But there were no sparks. Ok, ok I’m not a 17 year old anymore, I know this, BUT I do also know that sometimes you’re going to feel some sparks. Also, I can’t imagine making out with this guy. Ever. Sigh, now I really do need to sit down and have the talk with him. Especially since I think he tried to invite me to his family’s Thanksgiving….PUMP THE BREAKS! That is waaaaaaay too fast. No. Nope. Not ok. Gah not to mention, it really makes it seem like this guy enjoys putting me in awkward situations. And not the good kind either.

Whatevs. So loves, those are the two stories from this weekend. Not super exciting, but you know what is? KALE? I fuck you not. I love that shit. I put it in a frittata with some asparagus, mushrooms, and goat cheese. Holy orgasms in your mouth Batman! Also, in soup with some roasted turnips, garlic, onions, carrots, tomatoes, and more asparagus! OMG with crusty bread? I just had that shit for lunch at work. So good. I love cooking. I think tonight will be persimmon bread. Yeah. That sounds delish as fuck. Also, if its super good, I will hook you up with that recipe and you can bask in its awesomeness too.

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