Loves, let’s talk a little about pen pals. I had some. Seriously, I met a couple of people on one of my free dating sites and we became pen pals, exchanging several emails a day. This wasn’t a “I want to fuck you” sort of thing. I mean there may have been some flirting, but this was a “Hey, I like emailing you, you’re pretty awesome” sort of thing. But, here’s the ish, I developed feelings for these pen pals. Not like a fell in love with them feelings, but considered them friends. I mean we wrote every day and its easy as fuck to let someone in when its anonymous, amirite? I mean, I’m not going to meet this person, so why should I care if I tell them about my shitty day and am completely selfish for an hour? The one pen pal I’m thinking of didn’t care, he was uber supportive, and I did the same for him. It was a lovely friendship. Well… then he has to go fuck shit up. I had told him about my Gran passing and that I was sad and frustrated with the whole thing and he was lovely as usual telling me that everything would be ok (and sometimes that’s all you need to hear) and then do you know what he does? New Year’s Eve, he sends me this:
Hey singleinacollegetown. So, this is going to be my last message to you.
There are a million things I want to say, but I don’t know how to say them because I’m no good at this kind of thing. But I just feel like I have become far too attached to you. Everything I said in my stupid drunk emails the other day is completely true. These days you are almost all I think about, you are constantly on my mind, and I have not had this kind of connection with a woman since my last serious girlfriend. And as much as I so badly want to be the guy who sweeps you off your feet, I know deep down I’m not the right guy for you. But also everything I’ve said about wanting the very best for you is absolutely true. You really are a truly amazing, beautiful woman, with an incredible mind, such a kind heart, and a brilliant sense of humor that never fails to put a smile on my face. You absolutely deserve the best guy in the world. Someone who will make you happy, who will treat you with nothing but pure love and respect. That guy is out there for you, singleinacollegetown, don’t ever settle for anyone less than him.
Please know that I am truly sorry about the loss of your granny. My heart broke when you told me she passed away. She was so important to you, I know, and I can’t imagine how hard it much be for you. I hope you and your family can comfort each other.
I’m going to miss you so much, singleinacollegetown. I don’t know if you’ll read this with anger or disappointment, relief or indifference. But just know that you really touched me and have been the best part of my life the past couple of months. Thank you, thank you, thank you times a million for being a good friend to me. I absolutely wish nothing but the best for you, singleinacollegetown. You are an incredible woman, you’re the bee’s knees, you are amazeballs, and now my eyes are full of tears but I have to say goodbye to you. Never stop being the awesome woman that you are.
Friend breakups are the worst. For serious, this made me bawl like a baby and broke my heart. And the worst? I can’t even be mad at him, I appreciate that he had the wherewithal to send me an email, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Also, obviously my name was in there, but not all of my readers know my name and I’d like to keep it that way.