The Grand High Cancellor

Loves, I have a story for you! This one takes place over several years. But don’t worry, it’s not going to be horribly long and drawn out, and it will be funny. I’m actually kind of a douche, but deservedly, I think.

So here’s the deal, there was this guy, and I liked him a long, long time ago when we worked at the same job. Things never worked out, he was with someone when I was single or vice versa. But, because we’re smart poodles, we kept in touch. Well, The Breakup happens and a couple of months late we make plans to go out and get some coffee. I mean this wasn’t just out of the blue; we had been texting and emailing and social networking, the whole nine yards. Anyhoo, I get to the coffee shop, order, sit down and bust out some knitting (I carry knitting everywhere, because you never know when you’re going to have some free time, amirite?). So, I’m sitting there, and sitting there, and sitting there. And I realize, he stood me up. That mother fucker stood me up. I’m not going to lie. I wasn’t even mad at the time, I was so upset over this (I may or may not have had some self-esteem issues) because I thought something was wrong with me. A few days later I get a message and the gist was, “Blah, blah, blah, hurt myself, blah,” I’m an idiot and just go with it, but then all communication is cut off. Radio silence.

Fast forward a year, same dude, same social networking site. We start talking again (apparently I’m an idiot) and he suggests getting together again! I’m so excited, I’ve seriously had a crush on this dude for several years at this point and maybe he didn’t mean to stand me up (seriously, friends, feel free to bitch slap me in the future)! So I say yes. And what happens? No! He doesn’t stand me up, because he kept cancelling, like 5 times in a row and then? YES!! Radio silence!!!

Also, I should mention at some point my roomie nicknamed this guy the Great High Cancellor, and that cracks my shit up.

Post holidays, I get an apology and a request to try it again. Did I mention that there was much with the flattery and the “I’m ready for something serious/I’m so tired of being hurt and was just scared”? Luckily I grew some brains, so I said yes. WAIT!! I promise, it’s ok. I knew it wasn’t going to happen; I just sometimes like to prove to myself that I’m right. And baby, was I right. So it’s this whole weird dynamic, I say I want to take it slow, he’s asking me to be his GF after hearing what I cooked for dinner despite we’ve never been on a date (don’t worry, I said NO). Our date was supposed to happen Friday, well, guess who stopped texting? Yep. Wait, not me, him. I knew it was going to happen though, so I had already made plans earlier that week to go to dinner with a gal from work. Does that make me an asshole? Maybe not, but the text saying, “Oh hey, I knew this was going to happen, but don’t worry, I didn’t actually fall for it sucka!!!” does. And you know what? I kinda like it! So to dudes out there who may read this or have lady friends who read this. DON’T DO WHAT THIS GUY DID. I will say this qualifies as leading me on. I mean, I’ve ignored people before, but not ignored –> engaged –> ignored –> engaged –> ignored. That’s just a bad cycle. Right? Lamesauce x10.

Anyway, I’ve got some delicious tofu and beer in my future (it’s to counteract the homemade donuts in my future) and I want all you kids to have an excellent weekend full of good dates, and good friends, and good food!

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