Thank the Intergalactic Space Octopus for chocolate (and midol)

For realzies kids, I’m pretty sure that if my own personal deity (the ISO, der) hadn’t created (in his infinite wisdom and kindness) midol and chocolate, I’d still be sobbing into a vat of pudding. (PS if you make that shit out of vanilla almond milk, its super delish). Pump the brakes, I’m totally kidding. I didn’t cry into a vat of pudding. I did shed a few pity tears into a PBR tall boy while cursing men and smoking with my roomies, but I’m solid now. And that is the truth.

I actually got a call this morning from the complex I’ve decided on for my mom. So I’ve got the ball rolling on that, which is a plus. Also, in the awesome column, I talked to her the other day about her moving to where I live and she jumped on the idea (I mean, of course she did, I’m pretty sure that’s what she’s wanted all along). I was a little squiffy when she said, “And even if you don’t come see me everyday I can call you to pick things up for me!” Yeah, I’m not really an errand girl, but if she pulls that on me, I’m seriously considering charging her. I mean, yeah, she’s family, but so? I don’t work for free and this is pretty much going to be work. I feel comfortable asking for compensation (if it comes to that, its not like I’m going to move her down here and be all, “Now pay me $12/hour, bitch!”). I”ll only say a nicer version of that if she deserves it (I give it 3 months).

I’m pretty stoked that my new bedroom art is scheduled to be delivered today. I feel like saying bedroom art automatically makes it questionable, and let’s be honest, it’s not puppies. But now I feel skeezier than I did prior to typing it out. Whatevs, it’s going to be awesome.

More pluses? Fucking zumba dance par-tay tonight. (Yes, I actually get stupid excited about this one form of exercise) and with any luck, I’ll get to see an old friend there!

I’m vaguely pissed off at mother nature and I’m trying out how to infuse the air with xanax, because I think she fucking needs it. Seriously, rain, again? (I had to throw something whiny in there because it was sounding really fucking Polly Anna and that’s not how I roll….)

OH and this is hilarious, apparently my house has turned into the goddamn nature channel; we’ve got a family of deer that chillax in our back yard (and front yard) and frolick in our flooded drive, a fat groundhog that hangs in the back corner of the yard and is terrified by DogFace (thank goodness, because I don’t know what to do when groundhogs attack, at least with the deer I can just punch her in the face), and NOW we have fucking skunks. Literally, we caught them banging last night. It was hysterical. Now you get to imagine that for the rest of the day, eau’de skunk coitus. HA!


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