Christmas Eve. For most people it’s a time of celebration, a time to spend with family, a happy time (though often driven by consumerism). I’ve been dreading this day for months now. Yeah, I know you guys are probably sick of hearing me talk about it, but my mom is dead so you can shut the hell up.
That’s mostly why I’m dreading it. Between Mom and Granny, I’ve lost my normal Christmas tradition. I’m kind of at a loss right now, and even though I expected it and I’m bracing for it, it still catches me off guard and makes me cry. It’s weird in the sense that I know it happening, but I can’t stop it. It’s not like I need a good cry either, I did that already.
No, I really did. I was watching Elf with a roomie (and drinking wine) and totally lost my shit. I spent two hours sobbing afterward, which I needed, I know I did, but I was hoping that I would have cried myself out. Apparently tears come back those dirty bastards. Anyway, my biggest dilemma is trying not to cry at work when people talk about holiday plans. I could have holiday plans, that’s not the issue, I could have spent the time with my roomie’s huge family or gone up to see my dad and other mother, or even friend’s gatherings in Indy, I just don’t want to. I’m just very bah humbuggy this year and anyone who says I shouldn’t be can go suck it. But the most festive I got was strapping a Christmas tree on DogFace’s head. OMG she got so pissed at me. Seriously look at that face:
I dunno, maybe I should call my therapist and talk about it, but I’m pretty sure this is just normal grieving process. I mean it makes sense, my first Christmas after losing my Mom and Granny, so yeah. But, oddly enough, modern technology will help. Because I won’t be forced to watch tear jerking, soul wrenching Christmas specials, instead I’m going to curl up with TrueBlood seasons 4 & 5 and get my fill of vampires, shifters, weres, witches, mediums, and fairies. And I’m going to eat fish sticks and macaroni and cheese, which is about as far away from my family’s traditional dinner as possible. And I’m going to do it in my pajamas with my fuzzy slippers and no bra. Because it’s just me a DogFace and we’re going to be comfortable.
So on that note, I’m probably going to end my rambling, disjointed tirade, wish my coworkers a merry merry, go buy some wine and think about going to midnight mass. If you hear of a church getting struck by lightning, that was probably me, sorry.
For realsies though, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night; 2014 is creeping this way and we know how much I love creepers.