It happened, I finally got an offer on Mom’s, formerly Granny’s, house. It took my by surprise, not only by how low the offer was, but also by how much it hurt. Stupid right?
Part of me hates that house with the fire of a thousand suns. I’m pretty sure that it encouraged agoraphobia in both Mom and Granny to the point that getting back into that house to avoid people was the only thing they could think about, first when Granny was in the nursing home, and then when Mom was in the hospital undergoing chemo.
The family and I lost both of them in that house; Mom literally, she died there and Granny when her dementia got severe; the last 5-7 years of memories are nothing but ugliness. Unfortunately, that ugliness has tainted most of my memories of that place, shadowing even the brightest memories, which does make me eager to just sign the papers and be done with it.
But then there are the earlier years, Mom and I lived there from the time I was 10, so I did a lot of growing up in that house. The times before I was 18 were good, or at least clean in my memory. I remember spending weekends as a kid there; Gramps and I used to walk to the High School down the road to try and listen to the band practice and every time we got there they would stop playing and focus on marching formations. Or later, helping Mom to paint and refinish the flooring when we found hardwood under the hideous brown shag carpeting in the living room, digging up the back yard to make room for the beautiful garden Mom used to love to tend, even Christmases and Thanksgivings with the entire family all gathered together, those are the memories that make my heart hurt.
I like to think of myself as pretty strong, but sometimes I wish I could have turned this all over to someone else to handle. Even a year later, it surprises me what will set me off, cause me to tear up, and this was one of them. The email which I stupidly opened at work caused a fresh rush of sadness, but this too shall pass. At least that’s the one thing that’s consistent about grief, time really does help.