This is not a joke, the app is still up and “working”, but mine is broken.
I redownloaded (is that even a word? Meh, don’t care) the app because I got bored (the only reason I use it) and apparently I’ve already run through all the saps with 20 miles of my location. The last seven that popped up were 50+ miles away. Yes, this is something that I can control, but it’s depressing when the app tells you there are no matches available in a 20 miles radius. BUT that’s not what I’m writing about. Not even the distance, but the douches.
Maybe there was an article about how Tinder is better for 30 somethings looking for relationships. And I, like a sad sack, bought it. (Also I’m glad I signed up while I was still 29?!? Oh wait, it’s just the pay version anyway. HA no, I refuse to ever pay for a dating site again, sorry match.com) Based on the article about how this app is better for those 30+ I went looking again. OMG THEY WERE WRONG. So very, very wrong. Of the past 37 swipes (only 5 of which were to the right) the majority of the dudes that wrote in their “about me” section wrote some variation of the following:
“Looking for a lady on the streets and a freak in the bed…no seriously, I want that crazy sexy lady who’s at least an 8 and willing to try new things. DTF.”
Some of them are a little less in your face, but they’re all feckless, entitled dipshits. Yes, I’m making a judgement call about all of them, but I give no fucks, also have you met me? I like to judge. But mostly, I was just appalled and felt I would take to the interwebs to share my disgust, as you do.
Can we also take a brief moment to discuss relationships in general? I’d like to think I’m actually pretty good at them, I have several close friends that I love dearly, and love me back, but what I don’t understand is the constant need to parade lovey dovey statuses across all forms of social media. Sour grapes? Not really, I just always find it suspicious. Plus it makes everyone uncomfortable. If you want to tell your little squishy snugglepus that you love him oodles and oodles in the comfort of your home, cool. That shit shows up on my facebook page? The odds are good, I’m going to throw up a little bit.*
*This rant is directed at 30 somethings. You kids do you, I know if I had social media back in the day, I’d’ve been declaring my undying love to Taylor Hanson every minute of every day.