They say breaking up is hard to do. They’re wrong

Oh man kids. It’s Friday night! After the longest short week in the history of short weeks (until the next one happens anyway) and I’ve got a date tonight. Unfortunately (for him, fortunately for me), I’m breaking up with him tonight. He’s not weird (I mean he likes D&D, but so do I, so he’s not weird like a lot of dates I’ve been on), he’s politically savvy, he reads, but I’m feeling very “meh” over the whole situation. I liked seeing him once a week and then he wanted to go and “define the relationship” and loves, you know I have two hard stops: fisting and relationship labels. *shrug* And there was the factor that I knew this wasn’t going anywhere.

But let’s talk a little about breakups- you all know I was super serious about a dude for a hot minute there, right? I tried to get him back? This was after I broke up with him. And I’d do it again. He very well may have been my penguin, and breaking up with him was one of the harder things I’ve done, BUT friends, if you’re not getting what you need or you’re not happy, END IT. I’m talking long term, after much discussion and all the other stupid adult shit your therapist tells you to do (that for real, you should do), but after THAT, if it’s not better, fly free. Sweet baby space octopus, I love being single and I think you will too (it’s like a bad infomercial up in here). You can do whatever you want, when you want, and not shave your legs. Not that I shaved my legs anyway, but if I’m dating someone the thought crosses my mind.

Dog Face

She’s judging me so hard right now. Belly also hates when I date, because it’s less time for her to ignore me.

Anyhoo, off track, I’m breaking up with this dude tonight and I have to drive an hour to do it (and that’s halfway, also part of the reason for the break up WHY AM I JUSTIFYING MYSELF TO THE INTERWEBS?!?) And I’m trying to figure out if I should do this before dinner or after dinner. Now for those of you thinking “Jebus, she’s a heartless bitch, considering waiting until after he pays for dinner to break it off” let me clear up a few things:

  1. I am not actually a heartless bitch, it just so happens that my heart is cold and dead (unless you’re a puppy). But I am a bitch.
  2. Please, I’m not going to let him pay for dinner. How rude! (Git it Stephanie Tanner).
  3. I like lists, do you like lists? We should be friends. Also you can’t have a good list with only two items, so I was obligated to add a third.

I’m pretty sure that this hosting site offers a quiz feature right? Let’s see if I can figure that out! No, no luck, something about a plug-in and I’m really not that invested.

So anyway friends, let’s go celebrate Friday by breaking up with people! Who is with me!?

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One Response to They say breaking up is hard to do. They’re wrong

  1. Brandy says:

    Totally with you girl. FILED FOR DIVORCE.

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