Single in a big city

Well hey there strangers! I know it’s been a hot minute (and by that I mean probably about a year) SORRY!! The good news is that I have stories for you! I’m sure the bad news could be interpreted as I am still single, but I really count that as a plus.

So, as the title indicates, I found romance in not a college town…well, not only a college town. I temporarily relocated to a big city! It was very exciting, but I’m desperately looking forward to being back home in my little college town. Mostly I miss my dog, my bed, and Red. I digress. My big city romance, yes. Well, not being one to waste time, once I accepted this job opportunity I immediately updated my dating profile, as one is wont to do. I had several hits and the day after I flew in, I went on a date. That guy, Merle, let’s say, and I continued to see each other for several months.

Well, as jobs do, mine started absorbing more and more of my time (I’m not kidding, there were several 90 hour weeks and it was a relief to work 75), which really put a strain on my relationship with Merle. Now, I’d like to think that I’m always rational in relationships and in general, I’m not prone to overreactions, which I don’t believe happened in this case, but I will own up to the fact that I was holding on to my sanity by a cobweb. So, once the relationship became more stress instead of a release, I ended it. There wasn’t time to work on it, plus for me it was temporary. While I toyed with the possibility of staying on in the temporary location, that was never the final plan if I’m honest, at least not at this juncture.

So I ended it with Merle Probably not as gracefully as I could, but there was no ghosting, in fact, I realized my inability to be available, so he was encouraged to date other people.

Once I ended it however, things got a little weird. I have screenshots of conversations, but as my Step Mom pointed out, RUDE. So instead, we’re going to discuss what happened in a more general manner.

After the break up we met for dinner so I could get some stuff that had been left as his house. About halfway through dinner, he felt the urge to express his anger at the break-up – that’s fine, your feelings are valid, but some things were said that can’t be unsaid. What was weird was when I got home that night there was a message stating that dinner was fun and we should go out the following week. That was not on my list of things to do, for a variety of reasons, but first of which, some hurtful things were said. I declined. Vehemently.

Then on my birthday, I get a message wishing me not only a happy birthday, but a sentiment that he was glad we could move past our issues. *Cue surprised/confused face* Oh? I was not aware that we had moved past them, as I had broken off all contact. My mistake was also replying to that statement, then blocking him.

Well, a few nights a go I get a text- it’s Merle. It was rather lengthy and discussed how my petty arguments hurt him and that I was no longer a part of his life and we couldn’t be friends. Ooookay. Those could all be valid arguments had any of them been true, but when you don’t have contact with an individual it’s hard to argue. I was also instructed that he would be blocking my number and I’m not to contact him. That’s fine, I haven’t and wasn’t going to.

So, while I’m a bit salty about the attempt to turn everything that happened around so that he can be the victim, it really highlights some additional standards I will have when dating.

  1. My feelings are always valid and any attempt to tell me otherwise will not be tolerated.
  2.  Trying to rewrite history and gaslight are unacceptable and terms for immediate termination of the relationship.

And reminders for myself:

  1. Even if I get lonely, that’s no reason to stay with someone. (Rude, I know, that was lame on my part).
  2. DO NOT engage in arguments with those that gaslight.
  3. Don’t be afraid to say “No” and know the value of your time.

So my loves, if nothing else, I gained some self-awareness, actually quite a bit of it, but not all of it is stuff I’m willing to share with internet, because it involves feelings and those still make me vaguely uncomfortable. But, never fear, my therapist will hear all about it 🙂

Now, go get off the internet and enjoy your Sunday!


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